Bangarang | Shrillex

I love this been looking for this song to reblog for like half an hour

889 Plays / 78 notes


Holy Shit! THIS… OH MY GOSH…

emilygoslingg just hearing this like kills me inside
3,796 Plays / 54 notes

I love you and I’m sorry

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I can’t stand it to think my life is going so fast and I’m not really living it. Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises (via wordsnquotes)

(via wordsnquotes)

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bands/depression blog
Yesterday :


To my 250 beautiful followers :) so I don’t know who I am maybe I never will, anyway I am still looking for that person, I am stuck between what I am and who I want to be. I know I am different, that’s all I can work out, I know what I’m not, or at least most of the time. Once I read “most parents don’t know there children”
This is the truest thing, if my parents really knew me and wants goes on they would never treat me like I do, or maybe I don’t know them either and they would, what I do know is, if I was another person I would hate myself, I hate my own skin, guys think that every one just love them selfs and think we choose to look the way we do, this couldn’t be further from the truth, I personally can’t stand myself and hold so much against myself, sometimes I just want to say “sorry I am not more attractive” and it’s not just the outside, I hate some of the terrible things I have done and would do anything to take them back, My thoughts are so messed up and evil, people are so wrong, anyway the things I do like about myself are:
-my music taste, I do what I want there, If I like the sound of it I roll with it, I normally listen to nirvana,bring me the horizon, arctic monkeys, red hot chilli peppers, my chemical romance, alt-j, greenday, system of a down, with a bit of jake bugg, slip knot, kings of Leon, nickel back and the rest of it anyway I also really like classical music, I have never really understood why? It just seems to give my life a meaning, my favourite is the stuff from the film lassi, it just makes me feel alive, it’s like some one saying, yes this is why you are alive, this is your soul, which is beautiful, recently I have really getting into dubstep this is like heavy electronic stuff with not much signing just lots a beat and messed up words played on repeat - bit different to classical, anyway you can just put it on full blast and grab a can of monster and maybe a friend or two and just go crazy and forget that life ever existed its a good feeling, If you haven’t done it, do it now! The music is really good :) music makes me happier then anything else in this world, like it was my birthday, my parents had pretty much ignored me all day, spending attention on other things like there working, shopping, cleaning the house idk, anyway I had my iPod and I just started listening to “just hold on where going home” I don’t even like the song that much, I just made me so happy and even tho many things where wrong, that everything is going to be okay :) at 3 am when your listening to music, it can be any song by then my brain has normally partly passed out and doesn’t care, it just makes you feel alive and through the early hours of the morning you know you exist and the night is alive, when my whole family got drunk and the rest of them where out clubbing or something, me and my cousins Harriet, Georgia and Rose where in a really expensive holiday home, it had the best speaker system I have ever come across, it had speakers in all the rooms coming out the walls, it was like being at a concert anyway it was 2 am and we where just basting music and dancing and screaming and when my mum came in the early hours of the morning she opened the door and was hit by a sound wall and jumped (sound prof walls) anyway that went slightly off topic // I like my music that was my point
Another thing I like about myself is how I mange to stay so strong though constantly being ill, I never sleep, am always tired as hell and feel so ill with headaches ear aches colds and all the rest of it, my friend once asked me “why are you so obsessed with energy drinks” I said because I like them, but the real reason is, I just takes away the tiredness for a bit and makes me feel like I used to before this all started, It’s away of staying happy (advice point) another way I stay happy is watching YouTube constantly veeoneeye is my favourite -ha, he is not a dick he make me happy and keeps me going, he’s like my favourite person in this world because he’s just so happy and spreads it :) another way I stay happy is constantly act happy even when I’m not, so people treat you like your happy which is okay :) and soon you feel better and if I don’t well, your home by them and can watch YouTube and if that won’t work then I just go to bed a try and sleep which never works because I can’t sleep so you listen to music which nearly always works, I have kept a book the past few weeks, it’s got everything in it all the highs and lows, I’m not going to lie I have had serious lows, they won’t good :( but everything’s going to be okay :) these are ways I deal with not sleeping :
My rooms near the bath room, I listen and you can work out your whole family’s peeing times and how they get to the toilet for example, my dad goes to the loo about 12:30 and goes again at 5 he gets up and takes big steps and basically runs to the toilet, I once asked him about this and he said that’s how he wakes him self up to pee, on the other hand my mum goes just before she goes to bed about 11:30 and she tends to use the bathroom in there bedroom, or sometimes the main one and she walks slowly in a irregular step pattern, she goes again normally about 12:00 she’s on the loo right now actually it’s 12:14 and my brother sleep walks and goes all over the place :’) he’s unpredictable,
Way two to cope with not sleeping, never do it alone see which ones of your friends at up (the good friends never text the bad ones past 10) and talk to them, once I was feeling really low, this was in midwinter I had been crying for hours and I started texting my friend Emily and she made me feel so much better I even laughed :) EMILY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (if your reading this) anyway good friends always reply and are always there for you :)
Way three of dealing with not sleeping:
If you listen to music don’t listen to it for that long it keeps you awake and listen to happy songs no bring me the horizon and maybe not nirvana either I listen to alt-j and red hot chilli peppers and stuff at night
Way 4 :
Keep a night book, I have already mentioned this // I have one its got the time I wrote it above this tends to be between 11:30 and 5:00 
And you write all the chats and good things that have happened that day and the bad so you get it all out so if Im friends with you , I have lots of memory’s and exact quotes written down that you have said lol watch out, I re-read the whole thing sometimes it makes me happy and bit sad :( It shows me where I have been and he progress I have made
Way 5:
WHAT EVER YOU DO AND I MEAN WHATEVER YOU DO NOT CUT YOUR SELF!!! It’s addictive hurts and when you start it’s hard to stop and it doesn’t help your just left with scares, I have done this and my mum Walked in and I hand to smother my had with a note book, and it got very nasty anyway I am not looking for attention I just never want you to do it because I care, the world is so messed up, I used to harm my self when i was 5! 5! This that’s how wrong the world is! A 5 year old feels the need to hurt them self! I didn’t even know what self harm was I just felt the need to do it, as a kid I grew up with it, so never even lift your blade it helps nothing! I care about you so yeah :) please don’t :) i love you! Anyway that’s like my night rules over :)
I just realised its not clear what’s going on with me, basically I have like constant eye problems that give me head aches and scare me, when I cry I cant stop, sometimes loose my eye site and start throwing up or spitting out bits of sick?and random panic things where I freak and yeah it’s not good, I just freak Grim Ik anyway I just want everyone to be happy :) so this is why I writing this :) :*
Other ways to make you happy include
: staying away from people that make you unhappy , wether that’s your parents, people in your year brothers or bad friends what ever, some times I have days when I just paint and listen to music and talk to no one :) and yeah find something that makes you happy and do it all the time :) and don’t be mean to any one else ever! And always reply to all your texts because you have no Idea how the other person I feeling, once my friend, no of you guys would know, just didn’t reply and it started a down fall and I had to skip a load of school and yeah just don’t! :)
Make other people happy and it should make you happy
I love you all followers :) all 253 of you! It’s 12:40 and I have no wifi so I wrote this instead to help people because I wanna help you find who you and stay happy bye💕💕💕

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I’m scared

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